Being Supportive of Yourself

Don’t Second Guess Yourself

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I’ve been writing Afrologik for ten months now.  Writing this blog has become one of my favorite things to do.  I love and appreciate the reactions (both the good and the bad reactions.  Luckily, there are far more good reactions than bad). I’m not exaggerating when I say that Afrologik has readers from all over the world.  Seriously, people from six of the seven continents have read my work, and some of them follow my blog — thats AMAZING! (Big shout out to India!)

When I started this blog, I had great expectations that I felt were unrealistic, but that didn’t stop me from dreaming big and working hard at something that I believe in.  Thus far, I have never missed a date — in fact, I’ve added days.  Even when my “job” kind of got in the way and disturbed my writing schedule, I made it work.  It’s important to me that my readers know when to expect new material, so they’ll continue to support me.

Ten month ago, when I was writing through major depression, I never would have thought that people would latch on to what I was doing, or care about what I have to say. However, when I would check my numbers, they would always reflect that people really do care, and that they enjoy my work.  It didn’t happen over night, and I’m still growing, but it’s happening! For that, I am eternally grateful to The Source and all of my supporters.  You all keep me going.

And Speaking of Support…

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Although many people regularly read Afrologik, most of my readers are people of whom I have never met — and thats fine.  As a matter of fact, it’s awesome (since there are more people that I don’t know than there are people that I know).  Even though people from forty-six countries have read my blog, there are people that I have known my whole life, or that I am close to, who don’t follow me and have never read my blog.  There are some who show support, but there are some whose support has shockingly never been there.  Some of them have made excuses such as: “I haven’t had time” or “I’m not a reader“.  Some simply don’t take me seriously as a writer (I’ve got some surprises coming for them!), and some ignore me, change the subject, or simply go silent when I mention my blog in their presence.  It used to hurt, and I’d wonder why people that I love didn’t support me.  Eventually, I didn’t care.  Not caring happened so gradually that I didn’t notice — I just, didn’t care anymore.

A few of the people who have chosen not to support my work have projects of their own that they ask me to view, listen to, or support by sharing.  Many of them come me because they need someone to listen to them and help them sort out their situations.  At first, I had decided not to support or be there for any of them anymore.  I thought to myself, “Screw them! They don’t support me, so I won’t support them! See ya suckers!”  And, for a short while, I really didn’t, I began matching their energy.  When they’d ask me to listen to or view their work, I wouldn’t.  When they’d ask me for advice, I’d respond with. “I’m sure that you’ll work things out“.

I’m aware that most people who have been in the same positions that I’ve been in would, or have reacted similarly.  We are not wrong for expecting support from those who we’ve known the longest, and love the most.

Don’t Match Their Energy

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It didn’t take me long to realize that matching their energy wasn’t right.  In fact, by doing that, I was no better than them.  So, I loosened the reins.  I decided not to wear myself out for the sake of being there for those who aren’t there for me.  When someone want’s me to check out their project, or when someone needs advice, I’m there for them — IF I HAVE TIME, or, IF I WANT TO! The fact that those people do not support my project(s) doesn’t mean that I love them less, but it can definitely have an effect on their ranking in my life.  The things that they do will likely become less important to me.

The Moral of This Tale

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I’m sure that some of you have projects, plans, or dreams that you work hard to see come into fruition.  Sometimes, it feel as though those who should be for you are either against you, or they simply don’t care.  When this happens, it’s very easy to develop an “if these people aren’t being supportive, then maybe I’m not doing the right thing” mindset. It’s disappointing, hurtful, and disheartening, but remember these two words: FUDGE THEM!  Don’t second guess yourself due to a lack of support.  Your dreams and plans are YOUR dreams and plans — only you can execute them.  No one has to believe in your dreams except for you.  Never give naysayers the power to say nay to your ideas.  Make it work anyway.

We have no way of knowing why they feel the way they do, and quite frankly, we don’t need to know — it’s none of our business.  In the same respect, our dreams and goals are none of their business.  So, even though it would be nice if they’d lend their support, we really don’t need them to.

The Truth Is

When you cannot find the support that you want from current relationships, the best thing that you can do is to continue working on your art, and surround yourself with like-minded people.  Especially those who are working on, or have already accomplished what you are building.  Those people will always be your greatest supporters because they understand the process.  Just because certain people are closest to you, does not mean that they understand why you’re doing what you’re doing (and even though no one really likes to say this, sometimes they’re jealous.  Not everyone has the gall to take the chance that you’re taking.)  In that case, it’s probably best that they remain silent and distant when it comes to your project.  Silence and distance is much better than ostracism and discouragement.

Continue to work on your craft, and spend as much time on it as you see fit. When your project pays off, those who chose not to support you will try to latch on to you.  And, by then, you’ll have a new circle of friends.

“If nobody knocks your door, knock your own door! The most precious support for you is the support you give yourself!” 
~ Mehmet Murat ildan



2 thoughts on “Being Supportive of Yourself

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