Keeping Your Cool When People Are Trying To Take It

How To Not Lose It!

Not so long ago, I had a hair-trigger temper, and would quickly become upset and curse people out. Regardless of how minor an offense was, they all seemed major to me. Caring nothing about whether I was right or wrong, what was most important to me was that my feelings were fully known. Usually, after thoroughly expressing my position by cursing a person out, I’d feel much better. Feeling that I had set that person straight for their heinous (or not so heinous) offense, I’d walk off into the sunset — my arms swinging behind me, like George Jefferson.

A bruised ego can be an ugly, and potentially dangerous thing. When we feel disrespected (a word that I feel is often misused), we instantly go into defense mode — even if it’s not necessary.

The Loudest Person In The Room, Is Also The Weakest Person In The Room

Some people choose to enter situations, or go around people with the intent of “stirring the poop pot“. They’re basically verbal riot provocateurs. They believe that reacting with hostility proves that they don’t “take crap” from anyone. Others, react that way because their egos are fragile, so they are always prepared to protect said ego, and avoid hearing or seeing something that makes them feel bad about themselves.

I’ve never entered a situation solely to cause confusion, but I know people who do just that. However, my problem was that my skin wasn’t thick enough to take the words and actions of other people who preferred to be offensive towards me. So, I’d distribute verbal retribution without assessing the situation at hand, the source of the offense, or if it was something that would have any effect on any part of my life, other than my ego.

Since I’ve always been a small person (5’3 and thin) I had been picked on and considered an easy target for jokes and bullying. With that being the case, I believed that if I allowed this kind of behavior towards me to continue, it would never stop. Being a bit strange, compared to my peers, didn’t help. Because I suffered from “Little Persons Syndrome” cursing people out became my defense mechanism.

What’s Your Ism?

Everyone suffers from some sort of syndrome or –ism — they are our weaknesses. When we feel cornered, we act as a cornered raccoon would; we claw and bite our attackers until they are no longer able to attack us. For some, claws are words. For others, claws can be physical violence. In either case, it’s avoidable. When someone makes us feel bad, making them feel worse is not the best solution (even though it might feel good for us). In fact, it’s not a solution at all. That act alone only brings us down to their level, and when that happens, we’ve given the opposition an easy win.

With Time Comes Maturity (😫😫😫)

As I’ve gotten a little older, I’m more selective in deciding which offenses are deserving of verbal wrath. Still, I am human, and there are times when I allow other people to get the best of me, even though I practice being peaceful, positive, and patient. I’ve always had a razor sharp wit (apparently, it’s hereditary), and that has caused me problems in the past, because I didn’t control it. I’d let emotions take over and I’d say anything. Since learning to control my wit, and use better words, I no longer feel the need to become loud and explicit. Wit can be distributed politely, so vulgar people are usually defenseless to it, as they only know how to respond angrily. I’m not necessarily suggesting that this is the best way to handle these instances, but it works for me.

The best solution is to ask yourself if whatever it is that’s been said or done is going to interrupt life as you know it (most of the time, it won’t). However, stooping to the level of someone who does not have enough self control to be tactful, could repeatedly play in your mind, preventing your progress. The way that you choose to respond is ultimately your choice. Ask yourself if it’s worth it — even better, if they’re worth it.

It’s natural to want to return hurt unto someone who has hurt you. People are going to upset us now and then, and we are going to upset people as well — that’s human nature, and humans are fallible. It boils down to self control, and that’s not an easy task. Even the most passive person has desires to lash out at those who have offended them. Those people are able to practice restraint, even though they may be scrutinized for it.

Protect Your Energy

Never allow anyone to disturb your energy and spirit, as that is the core of who you are. By acknowledging the lack of decorum of others without employing tact, you give life to the ugliness that they represent, and in turn, you’ll become a part of it.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should let people antagonize you. Always stand your ground. But, there are people who cannot understand peaceful disagreements without vulgarity, and they’ll try to force you into a position where you might have to speak to them in ways that they understand to get your point across to them. Even that can be done without mirroring their ignorance and contradicting your true self.

Anyone who disrupts your energy by making you mad enough to cuss and fight, should not be there. It is your decision as to whether or not you should keep those types of people around. If you decide to stay in the company of such people, then they are not bringing you down to their level — you were already there.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.”

~Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Change Starts With Change

I had to make a decision to not respond to insults with more insults. I was able to do this by asking myself two questions: “How do I feel about myself?” and “Is there anything that anyone can say or do that has the power to detract from the way that I feel about myself?”. The answers were: “I feel great about myself! In fact, I feel so great about myself that I refuse to lend my power to those who display dislike for themselves by attempting to engage me in their toxicity.”

If we carry ourselves with class and dignity, the Universe will send classy, dignified people into our orbit. Those are the people who will help us achieve greatness, as we will help them.

“Right now I’m trying to be in a place of calm. A place where I can chill out and then handle the chaos of life better. You don’t just get there overnight; you have to work at it. It’s a daily struggle.”

Jackee Harry