Why You Should Keep Your Mouth SHUT!
Apparently, most people do not like being alone (“alone” meaning not in a romantic relationship). Whenever I scroll social media, regardless of the day of the week, or time of day, I see a plethora of memes and posts about relationships. “Wanting” a relationship, “leaving ” a relationship, “my future husband” this, “my future wife” that. Many people dislike waking up alone, and they feel incomplete without the companionship of a significant other. Although I don’t share this sentiment in its entirety, I understand — I’ve even been there.
Courtships can be awesome and fulfilling. It’s a great feeling to have someone in your life to spend time with, or just someone that you can go through the good times and bad times with, who gives you the support and encouragement that you need to go on and be great. When the bond is right, you can finish each other’s sentences, and feel their pain, even if they are miles away. A strong spiritual connection with someone that you love is an incredible gift from the Universe! Many songs have been written based on this feeling of euphoria.
It’s all flowers and sunshine in the beginning. However, it’s inevitable that flowers die, and the sun sets every night. That’s nature.
Don’t Get Me Wrong
I’m not putting relationships down, in fact, I know that many times, things work themselves out. Many courtships flourish in spite of bad times, perhaps, even materializing into marriages.
I was married for a while. Before and during my marriage, I was given advice from several people, most of whom I have abundant respect for. However, the best advice that I was given, was advice that I did not take. It came from one of my favorite aunts — Aunt Charlene.
At my wedding reception, Aunt Charlene pulled me aside and said a few things to me about my new marriage. The last thing that she said to me in that conversation was:
“KEEP OTHER FOLKS OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS!”
Realest words ever spoken! Yet, I did not take her advice. Whenever things went awry in my marriage, I’d share the details with any open ear. I honestly don’t believe that had I taken her advice, my marriage would have survived — in fact, I know that it wouldn’t have. Nonetheless, heeding those words might have made our time together less strenuous. I haven’t been in a relationship since my divorce, but moving forward, I will take Aunt Charlene’s advice.
10 Reasons Why You Should Keep Other Folks Out of Your Business
While discussing this topic with my daughter, Justice, we comprised a list of 10 reasons why sharing the woes of a relationship with friends and family is not a wise thing to do. Maybe this list will help someone.
You wont take their advice
When you go to people for advice about your relationship, you’re already upset. Even if you are given sound advice, most likely, you’re going to do things your own way. When your heart is involved, you’ll accept things that are nonsensical — even to you. If you repeatedly depend on the ears and words of your friends and family, it’s inevitable that the will soon tire of hearing the same story over-and-over. Eventually, they’ll stop listening, and perhaps, avoid you altogether. Don’t ruin the good relationships in your life by annoying them with problems that you know you are not going to fix.
2. You could put your friends/family, and even yourself in an uncomfortable environment
This is especially true with family and very close friends. Remember, these people care more about you than they do your significant other (regardless of what they say). It hurts them when they feel that you are in an unstable environment (based on what you’ve told them). This could make for very uncomfortable holiday dinners.
3. You will vilify your mate
How could you not? When you go to others to tell them what “he/she” has done to piss you off, and what an asshole they are; you’re going to make yourself the victim, and “him/her” the villain. As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango“, but a person can do the robot alone. When you go to your support system and tell them how you’ve been trying to tango, while “he/she” insisted on doing the robot — without telling them that you did the robot now and then too, guess who your team will support? And now, all because you did not tell the story in its entirety, there’ll be more uncomfortable holiday dinners.
5. They’ll take your side
You may not want to admit it at first, but sometimes, it’s YOU who is wrong. In many cases, the people who love, respect, and/or look up to you will tell you what they think you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. This will give you a false sense of righteousness, and if there is a lesson to be learned, it’ll go over your head. Always avoid coddlers — at all costs! Avoid them in any phase of life. They think they’re helping, but they’re not. They only make things worse.
6. They’re not perfect either
Anything can look good on paper. In other words, people in seemingly good relationships, definitely have ups and downs as everyone else does. Because they put up a front as though they are the perfect couple, is exactly why their advice can’t be trusted. Personally, I’d rather listen to people who suck at relationships, because unbeknownst to them, they are telling me what NOT to do.
7. People can be jealous pricks
If you usually seem happy, and you tell certain people that your relationship is in strife, they’ll help you make it worse. It’s really amazing how skilled these types of people are at performing these acts. I guess they should be great at it, since most of them have spent so much time being miserable.🤷🏽♀️
8. Maybe they want you. Maybe they want him/her
Do not believe that there are not people out there who are dying to be in your position. They could be people that you talk to and associate with regularly — even family. Choose your allies wisely.
9. They’ll tell everybody
Ever heard it said that the only way that two people can keep a secret is if one of them are dead? Well, it’s true. If your story is told to even one other person, it’ll become national news by morning. Even worse, by the time the story about your minor dispute comes back to you, you probably wont even recognize it.
10. You know that you’re not going anywhere
When an argument first commence, you know whether or not you are going to leave your significant other. I’ll say that eight times out of ten, no one leaves. If they do, it’s not forever– especially not in current times. You’re better off buying a journal and writing your thoughts out, or as my dad once told me: drink a tall glass of water, slowly, and then decide how you will handle the situation. Calm yourself and work on a solution without involving other people.
Heed The Advice of Aunt Charlene
Before you share the ugly details of your relationship with others, remember my aunt Charlene’s advice, “KEEP OTHER FOLKS OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS!”. Why? Because flowers grow, and the sun rises every morning. That’s nature also.
“People speculate on your personal life anyway. So I think it’s important to keep my private life private and my public persona more into music, you know”
3 thoughts on “10 Good Reasons To NOT Involve Others In Your Relationships”
This was true in a couple relationships that I was in the pass. I learned a long time ago to keep people out of my business. My exes ran to the family and friends about telling them about me to where they felt comfortable saying things about me around her. She didn’t say anything until I started speaking about her family and friends. At the end of the traditional she started seeing things my way. By that it was to late.
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As someone who is young and hopelessly in love with the idea of love AND my boyfriend…I completely agree with your aunt and yourself. I think that so many people turn towards others for advice and and outlet to question things when truly, you are in a relationship for a reason. We should learn to turn to our partners when in doubt, which will allow relationships and love to strengthen. I’d be interested to see if you could make a post on when you realized you weren’t in love or further what you think you could have done to make the relationship last.
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Thank you for your comment. I agree that solutions should be discussed within the relationship without including others. I can’t write an honest account of facing what went wrong in my past relationships, because I don’t think about them, they no longer exist to me. Also, if I am ever to enter another relationship along the way of life, I will apply the lessons that I’ve learned, not only through old relationships, but from life as a whole.
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