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Tell It Like It Is

Preparing To Start The New Year Free of Dead Weight

With 2018 wrapping up, soon everyone will be talking about the holiday/ winter pounds that they are planning to lose in preparation for their 2019 “beach bodies“. Some will actually accomplish this, while most will have given up by March. There is weight that I am sure that many of us could stand to lose. It requires no exercise and can be accomplished before January 1st. Surely, a lot of you are now buck eyed in anticipation of finding out how you can lose weight in less than two weeks. Well, it can be done! We can all get rid of (drumroll)…

MENTAL WEIGHT! Let’s not start a new revolution with words unspoken that perhaps, need to be spoken. Dig?

Easier Said Than Done

I wouldn’t say that this is easy to do. In fact, I know that it is quite difficult. Whether the statements that you need to make are nice, or not so nice, saying what is on your mind can be an onerous task.

When you need to bear your soul, or clear your conscious, you are taking a big chance, because you really have no way of knowing how your message will be received. This is especially true when dealing with matters of the heart, because of the fear that said feelings may not be shared. It seems that it’s much easier to conceal our feelings than to share them and risk the current status of what is considered a valuable relationship–that’s not unreasonable. However, by speaking your mind, at the very least, you will become aware of the possibilities (if there are any) and you’ll know where you stand– or, if it is time to position yourself for better opportunities.

Don’t move into the new year with false hopes that are binding you to an idea that will never come into fruition. Instead, make space for newness and all of the great things that are awaiting. Chances are, they’ve been trying to get in for a while, your mind was just too congested, in vain, with “what could be“. Or, maybe it can actually happen. You’ll never know if you never make your intentions known. Throw caution to the wind and take a chance on success or failure. Either way, you’ll win.


I’m certain that many of us are carrying anger that is probably several years old. Stored anger can be very dangerous, unhealthy, and heavy. If allowed, it can turn the most positive people bitter and miserable.

This year, I got a lot off of my chest, as far as stopping the madness. This meant losing and/or creating distance from some of the key people in my life. It took a while to readjust and I often feel all alone, but I no longer feel anger. Being alone is fixable–even if only temporarily. Anger festers and blocks light; when you think it’s gone, it pops up out of nowhere and ruins your day. It’s robs us of the energy that it takes to get through the day, and inspire ourselves or others. Inspiring, and being inspired is crucial to the cycle of life.

It’s not a good idea to take unresolved issues into the next year. It’s important to get whatever you have been holding in, for however long, out of your system as soon as possible. It is conducive to your growth. Angry thoughts are counterproductive to your evolution.

It’s best to try to accomplish this as tactfully as possible. I know that it can be fun to “cuss out” a person who has caused pain and hurt. It’s understandable to want that kind of person to feel as rotten and they have made you feel. Nonetheless, if tact is not employed, most likely, the discussion will become an argument, and nothing will be resolved. You might even walk away from it feeling even angrier.

If the object(s) of your discontentment are people who are not capable of having a mature, civilized conversation, consider writing or texting them. Actually, I prefer this method and I have applied it many times this year. If nothing else, writing (or typing) will allow you to say everything that you’d want to say without interruption, or worse; someone charming you into relenting.

Face to face or phone conversations are great also, but keep in mind that even the most civilized people will want to respond, and if they feel necessary, defend themselves. Writing is the best way to clear yourself of anger towards others because you are not required to read their rebuttals (if they have any), and unless you choose to, you don’t have to respond. What is most important is that you are no longer carrying that anger.

The Best Policy

Holding on to secrets? If they are weighing you down with guilt, let them go. Start the new cycle with a clear conscience. It’s true that secrets can destroy relationships, and so can revealing them. If you are holding information that is hurting or hindering you from achieving peace of mind, you’ll have to weigh your options.

Freedom Isn’t Free

Even if the revelation results in the end of a relationship, exposing the truth could prove to be best for all involved. After time passes and those involved have time to heal, who knows, the friendship(s) could be restored. If not, you’re no longer a slave to the guilt that you’ve been carrying, and people that you love are no longer living under false pretenses, or maybe, have the answers to something that has been troubling them. It takes courage to be honest.

Show of Hands 🖐🏽

How many of you are going to honestly try to get rid of the deadweight in your lives before January 1st?

How many of you are apprehensive about doing so?

(You can’t see me, but I’m raising my hand)

For some, it’s easier to do some more-so than others. Myself, I know that it had been much easier for me to inform a person that I was angry than it was for me say, “I dig you” or, “I dig what you do“. Even with it being easier for me to express contempt, I still allowed unfavorable treatment from people to go on for years. I was apprehensive because of what those relationships meant to me at the time. Because of that, I gave a lot of second, fifth, and one hundred and third teeth chances! Had I spoke my mind years ago, it might not have been necessary to completely sever friendships as well as familial relationships. However, I don’t feel bad about doing what had to be done. When we value ourselves, we will not allow anyone to break us.

In 2018, I followed the example of one of my favorite movie characters: Michael Corleone, “I settled all family business“.

I urge you all to do the same. Freedom feels wonderful, so take a chance! Tell him or her that you love them and want to be with them; tell him or her that they’re cool, but you don’t feel as they do; (calmly) tell those who have hurt you to STEP! Get rid of those secrets that have become cement in your shoes. Whatever it is that is stifling you, now is the time to wash you hands of it.

Life is without precedence”

~Marty Rubin


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